Cats and Dogs

Have you ever thought to yourself or perhaps even said out loud to your dog, "I wish you were a cat!"  Maybe you have in a moment of irritation wished that your dog were a cat but you know that a dog can never be turned into a cat!  Wish all you want, it's not possible.  So perhaps you can train your dog to act like a cat!  The dog can behave like a cat all day long but the dog is still not a cat.  It's only acting like a cat.  

Now, say instead of wanting your dog to be a cat, you just want your dog to behave better?  So what do you do?  You train your dog.  You can train dogs any number of ways; beat him into submission, reward with treats or you can actually form a relationship with your dog, spending time with him and win his heart so that his behavior is a result of his desire to please you rather than receive something from you or avoid being hurt by you.  

What if it's not your dog though?  What if it's a person?  Do you ever look at another person and wish they were more like you?  Or more like 'so and so'?  If they'd only quit talking, complaining, etc. I'd be happier with them as my friend, co-worker, family member etc.  Well, wanting to change a person into something you desire is a bit like trying to change a dog into a cat by wishing it were so.  Impossible!  You can no more change another human being because you want it than you can change any other situation that you don't like!  When it's raining can you make the sun come out?  If you want your roses to bloom can you make them?  These are things out of our control.  But what do you do when you wish that person were someone other than who they are?  

1) Admit that they are out of your control.  Let it go.  It's out of your control and your expectations do nothing but make you bitter and others avoid you because of your bitterness.
 

2) Like training your dog you can't 'beat' another person to behave the way you wish and you cannot reward them.  Well, you can but it won't be a lasting solution and it is certainly not God's way of dealing with people who we struggle to get along with.  So, you may want to try to actually develop a healthy relationship with that person.  Notice I said healthy.  Healthy relationships contain boundaries; dos and don'ts that we all have whether we communicate them or not.  A healthy relationship contains mutual respect of each others boundaries and both parties are able to safely communicate those boundaries with no fear of punishment.  So this means that you can safely communicate to the person you are in relationship with concerning those things that might be causing harm to your relationship.  Example: perhaps you have a friend that gossips and you're not comfortable with it.  A healthy relationship allows you to lovingly say to your friend that you enjoy your conversations but notice at times that they wander into talking about others in a way that you're not comfortable with so could those things be avoided from now on?  If your friend overreacts or takes offense see it as a sign of an unhealthy part of your relationship with them or perhaps immaturity on their part.  Pray for that friend and consider changing the nature of your friendship.  An unhealthy friendship cannot be an intimate friendship.  
 

3) Allowing others to be who they are means that you can be comfortable with whatever they do, say or feel because it has nothing to do with you.  Other people's behavior has to do with them, it has nothing to do with you.  People behave the way they do out of their own beliefs about themselves, God and others.  Those beliefs can be based on truth or lies.  If you find you cannot have a healthy relationship with them because of their behavior or beliefs then walk away and let them be who they are without you.  You either accept them as they are and remain in relationship with them or walk away and accept them as they are from a distance. 
 

4) Pray for them.  You can't really know what's going on in their heart and what God might be doing in them.  You may see something on the surface but not see what is in the depths.  Only God sees in the depths and only He can change a person's heart.  Prayer is the most effective tool that you have to use in a difficult relationship. 

In  Matthew 7:1-5 God's word says:  Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

The only person you can control is yourself and that comes from the Holy Spirit because Galatians 5:22 tells us that self control is one of the 9 fruits of the Spirit.  If you walk in the flesh you will have behavior control but not true self control.  Self control comes from God's spirit.  True change comes from God alone who makes us a new creation when we are saved by Him.  We can't even change ourselves so it really should be common sense that we can change no one else.  

(Originally written over a year ago but I never published it.  I thought I'd go ahead and do so today.)