Greatness Requires Risk

As I lay in bed last night I had what seemed like a million thoughts floating through my head.  Every single little worry was beating at me, pounding at my resolve to have faith and trust the Lord.  My daughter explained to me yesterday how bees will bump you several times when attacking a person as a group and finally they'll sting you.  I felt that way as I tried to fall asleep, like little bees were bumping into my brain over and over.  I woke up feeling stung.  

I suppose the reason I felt the way I did as I rose from my bed was because on the eve of my son's one year anniversary of being admitted to PICU at Meritcare Children's Hospital in Fargo, ND I was about to be tested for the same syndrome that landed him there.  I didn't even think about the timing when I made this appointment.  And I guess I didn't think it'd have any emotional affect on me.  It's not like I'm worrying over just this one thing but it's a whole list of things all happening at once that I can't seem to pull out of my head and deal with.  I describe this to my husband, Don, as a ball of yarn that needs unraveling.  But it's almost like there's so much yarn that I can't find the place at which to begin.  So what do I do?  

Some of my answers came last night.  Don and I tuned into a movie called Extraordinary Measures with Brendan Fraser, Harrison Ford and Keri Russell.  It's based on the true story of the Crowley family and how the father, John, went to extraordinary means to find a cure for a disease that would take the lives of two of his children by age 10.  At one point in the story he's faced with an enormous decision; he's been offered a 40% raise and promotion in his company which also provides health insurance for his 2 sick children or he can give that up to fight for a cure which could leave him penniless, without insurance and eventually could end in the imminent death of his 2 children.  He's faced with choosing between the daring and the safe.  He chooses to walk away from his promotion, risk it all and fight for his childrens' lives.  At one point later in the movie when things are their darkest he finds himself regretting his choice.  It hit me then that striving for greatness always has its risks.  But you only achieve greatness by taking those risks.  

So, this brings me to one of those 'bees' bumping around in my head.  Ten years ago after 9-11 Don felt called to leave USAirways.  He was making good money, we had lots of nice benefits, we were happy in our church with lots of people surrounding us in our every day life and we had a nice home.  But God called us to something else.  And we knew it.  So we gave it all up and moved to South Dakota to eventually develop a summer camp.  We're in our second year now.  But again there's this call to let go of security.  Don has a 2nd job that pays well, provides insurance and every 2 weeks I know he's bringing home a pay check.  The empty PO Box isn't as awful to peek into when there's a check on the way.  And the insurance.  Did I mention I got tested for APS today?  If I test positive and lose insurance I am scared that future insurance companies will consider it a pre-existing condition.  APS can be a lot more costly than thyroid disease.  I know this for a fact as my son's bills piled up last year.  One Dr. bill for Sam was over $40,000.  God provided, yes.  But you know already that I am a worrier.  

The thing is though that ministries don't build themselves.  Supporters are based on relationship and the director of non-profits has to seek relationships with individuals and churches that see the vision and will support it prayerfully and financially.  Supporters go through cycles.  Some give for years faithfully, some come and go.  Don has to be able to reach out to new people and churches all the time in order to continue building a team of people that enable us to carry and fulfill the vision.  Right now our ministry is being carried on the shoulders of a small group of people that are faithful each and every month.  But that small group cannot carry the entire cost of what it takes to keep a missionary in the field, put kids through camp each summer and keep up on construction needs.  Don needs to fund raise.  But for Don to fund raise, he's going to have to let go of his full time job and make the ministry his full time pursuit.  I have to let go again.  I have to have faith when I feel like I have none.  Here I go worrying again.  

John Crowley had faith that the research needed to save his kids lives was correct and he fought for the funds to be provided for it.  He let go of everything for the lives of his two kids.  Greatness requires risk.  Think about how many kids on the reservation here will be impacted with summer camp each year?  How much are we willing to risk for not just 2 children but for hundreds?  And it's not just their physical lives we're talking about!  What about their spiritual lives?  How much are we willing to risk for the life of these kids who have never stepped foot into church?  Who have no idea who Jesus is and have no idea that they are loved? 

I took a leap of faith today by getting tested for APS at my Dr.s request.  I don't know if I'll have insurance to cover it if I test positive and one day need treatment.  I don't know how many empty PO Boxes I'll have to stare down from day to day wondering how we'll keep operating month to month at 1/2 our budget.  Right now, I don't even know if any churches will open their doors to hear Don share the vision of our ministry.  And maybe we're not even being asked to give up the security of that bi-weekly pay check.  I don't know yet.  I think I'm just supposed to be willing right now to let go if asked.  

Greatness requires risk.  What are you willing to risk?  I leave you with the first Bible verse that showed up on my phone this morning.  (I have verses sent via text so I'm reminded all day long!)

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

What a powerful verse!  The greatest risk for me is to first trust.  Then let go.